Finding Mr. Right

I mean forget dating, what about just finding Mr. Right? Pretty challenging huh? A woman wrote to Made in His Image, I live in an area where the majority of the population is incredibly spiritually ill, and its like if I am supposed to ever find someone to spend the rest of my life with I have to succumb to that as well.

I know a gentleman who was attracted to a Catholic woman’s beauty. He desperately wanted to date her, but every time he asked her out, she said no. After several rejections, he smartly figured out that he would have to change his lifestyle if he was to win her heart. He started going to Mass, praying, and living morally. He continued to develop his relationship with God, then asked her out again. She said yes, and today they are married.

A woman by her very nature is a mystery. And when she conducts herself in accordance with the way in which God created her, she reflects this beauty and appeal in a unique way. When a woman is authentic, she calls a man to a higher standard by her very nature. Men are naturally attracted to her authentic beauty and integrity.

Don’t ever conform to immorality to attract a man. You are worth more than that. In fact, your worth is beyond human comprehension. God created the universe, surely he didn’t forget about your future. Every woman yearns for a man who is going to protect and cherish her. My question for you is: are you conducting yourself in such a way to attract a virtuous man? Embrace the beauty of your femininity, and you will inspire a man to step up. 

So, instead of finding him, let him find you. Men have an inherent desire to pursue a woman, let them do that.

“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” – Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Wait What, God Designed Sex?

People magazine can put a half-naked woman on the cover of their magazines and claim she wins the most beautiful woman of the year award. Made in His Image says NO, that’s not true beauty. Modesty reveals a woman’s inner beauty for the world to see, while preserving her body for her husband in the holy sacrament of marriage. Our culture has lost this sense of sacredness for the human body and the marital embrace. Yes, you heard right! God Himself designed sex for a husband and wife to bring forth new life into this world, a sacred act reserved for marriage.

There is an exceeding amount of over sexualized behavior and immodesty in our culture. What this world needs is for women to stand up and embrace the beauty of the feminine genius, challenge men to be men of virtue and call society to a higher standard. A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies…charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31.

A woman is a mystery, and this is the way God designed her. And when a woman conducts herself in accordance with the way in which God created her, she reflects this beauty and appeal in a unique way.

At the core of every woman is the natural desire for respect. No woman desires to be mistreated, but in reality, when a woman dresses immodestly she is inviting disrespect upon herself. When she dresses in a revealing way, she is inviting others to notice her body, and possibly lust after what they see. But, when a woman dresses modestly she is protecting herself from being used, while concealing the beautiful mystery of her body. A man told me that women would be shocked if they were to enter the head of the average man in a crowded room of immodestly dressed women.

Women, who are the crowning of God’s creation play a unique role in reversing this tragedy. How? By embracing the strengths, essence and authentic value of womanhood. In his letter to women, Pope John Paul II refers to these unique characteristics of women as the feminine genius. What an exceedingly beautiful task we have been given!

In fact, woman has a genius all her own, which is vitally essential to both society and the Church. It is certainly not a question of comparing woman to man, since it is obvious that they have fundamental dimensions and values in common. However, in man and in woman these acquire different strengths, interests and emphases and it is this very diversity which becomes a source of enrichment. – Blessed John Paul II

Let’s Be Real…Dating Can Be Hard.

Our society tries to make women believe that dating is supposed to be like the TV show Sex and the City. Well let me tell you something, that is a lie from the pit of hell. That’s not dating, that’s glorified objectification and impurity at its finest. An authentic man doesn’t taint a woman’s purity. An authentic man stands up to heroically protect it, and vice versa. That show and countless others is the direct opposite of this beautiful truth.

One woman told me, But he’s so cute, and those eyes…oh, I just know I can change him. That’s a huge red flag, not his eyes, but the fact that you think you could change him. My advice to you, never enter into a relationship thinking you are a going to change a man. It will not work. Instead, focus on striving to become the best version of you and let him seek the Lord to pursue and win your heart. The Blessed Mother is holding your hand and the hand of the one you have a vocation with and when the time is right, she will join your hands together. Until then, trust in God’s beautiful plan for you and continually strive to be the best version of yourself.

Another woman asked me what my dating experiences are like as a survivor of abuse. I will be very honest with you, it has been challenging. But I have grown so much through the process and continue to discover more about myself and others as I date. My doctor once told me that the man I marry will be generously blessed by God Himself, with compassion, gentleness, patience and the ability to make me feel protected and safe. The same is true for you, and you will learn as you date what type of man complements your personality. For example, one time a guy told me that my desire to feel safe and protected was ridiculous, he didn’t know how to reassure me and the list goes on a mile long. On the contrary, just recently, I was definitely testing a man to see what his responses would be and asked, Well what if I ask you 50 times if you’re going to make me feel safe? He said, When you’re with me, I hope you will just feel safe so you won’t even need to ask. But if you’d like to then I’ll answer you 51 times with a smile. And the answer will always be, absolutely. 

That is the type of man you need to wait for. That is the type of man you should date.

“Each sex has its strengths; each sex has its weaknesses. According to God’s admirable plan, the husband is to help his wife overcome these weaknesses so that all the treasures of her femininity will come to full bloom, and vice versa. Men become ‘themselves’ thanks to the love of their wives. And wives are transformed by their husband’s strength and courage.” – Alice Von Hildebrand

He never called and he said he would…

Ahh, he never called when he said he would.  It’s not like I’m anxious or anything, but what is up with that? Why do they say they are going to call and don’t? He said he had a great time and wanted to take me on a second date…seriously come on? Why do they call me beautiful and then just completely ignore me later on, how rude is that? And why can’t guys just commit? What are they scared of? It’s so unattractive when they do that. 

I would be willing to bet a homemade pie of your choice that every woman has engaged in a conversation that mirrors the above paragraph. Am I right or what?

As women, we tend to spend a ridiculous amount of time boy bashing. Men don’t respond well to derogatory comments. They often appear to be tougher than women, when in reality, are just as sensitive, they simply don’t reveal their feelings as openly as women do. So instead of wondering why men aren’t stepping up, how about we step up.

A woman is a mystery, for this is the way God designed her. And when a woman conducts herself in accordance with the way in which God created her, she reflects this beauty and appeal in a unique way. When a woman is authentic, she calls a man to step up by her very nature. They are naturally attracted to her authentic beauty and integrity.

It’s no secret that our over sexualized society is rapidly advancing in immorality. What this world needs is for women to stand up and embrace the beauty of the feminine genius and by doing this, it will challenge men to be men of virtue, and call society to a higher standard.

Every woman yearns for a man who is going to protect and cherish her. Are you conducting yourself in such a way to attract such a man? Embrace the beauty of your femininity and men of virtue will naturally be drawn to you.

When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women. – Archbishop Fulton Sheen

A girl’s favorite and a guy’s least favorite subject: LOVE

Alright, who wants to talk about their feelings? Okay don’t everyone jump up at once.

A lot of people think love is a feeling. Well, guess what? It’s not. Sure, if you are romantically attracted, involved, or married to someone, you, as the saying goes have feelings for them. But those feelings, are not enough to make a relationship last. Why do you think divorce rates are so high? Or people who hook up never last? Because they are mainly judging their relationship off their feelings and not willing to choose love when things get difficult.

Here at MIHI, we help victims and survivors of abuse and trauma. And I think those survivors are a beautiful witness of choosing to love, especially when they have never been shown human love. Despite what society may tell you, you are NOT damaged. On the contrary, your scars, whether they be seen or unseen, radiate your ability to choose love.

 

How can someone ever trust in the existence of an unconditional divine love when most, if not all, of what he or she has experienced is the opposite of love – fear, hatred, violence, and abuse?  

They are not condemned to be victims! There remains within them, hidden as it may seem, the possibility to choose love. Many people who have suffered the most horrendous rejections and been subject to the most cruel torture are able to choose love. By choosing love they become witnesses not only to enormous human resiliency but also to the divine love that transcends all human loves. Those who choose, even on a small-scale, to love in the midst of hatred and fear are the people who offer true hope to our world. – Henri Nouwen

My dear friends, let us love! Let’s be saints!

Future Husband? Umm, Yes!!

Quick post before going out to drink some Margaritas and eat dinner outside on this gorgeous night in Nashville!

Ladies, wait for a man who cherishes you. Don’t settle for less. You are such a treasure and deserve to be treated as such.

“I’ve kept myself from fleeting pleasures, and kept my heart wholly for you. I’ve held onto purity as a gift for you, and not given it to someone else’s future wife.

I will remind you daily of your beauty.

I promise to be there on the days you feel like quitting on your dreams, always be your support and someone you can count on to love you through your faults & weaknesses.” – written by a gentleman to his fiancee

 

Beautiful huh? What woman wouldn’t want to hear that right?

That’s what you deserve ladies.

One of the greatest treasures Blessed John Paul II left to the world is his book –Theology of the Body. In it, he talks about the human person and explains how God is made manifested through humanity. Theology of the Body delves into what it truly means to be a man and woman, and how we should live out our masculinity and femininity in accords with how God created us. If we yearn to be the best version of ourselves, then we must embrace the unique qualities of our gender. To do this we must go back to the very beginning when God created us. Genesis 1:27 tells us, God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 

God created us out of love, for us to love and be loved. The way in which this love is expressed and revealed is different for men and women, which is how God in His infinite wisdom designed it to be. And it is the unique characteristics of men and women that enable this love to come to fruition. We exist to complement one another. In Theology of the Body, John Paul II tells us that we are called to exist as a gift for one another. He describes this gift as a sincere gift of self, and it is only when we lay down our life for another in this way that we will experience genuine fulfillment.

Let us strive to live out John Paul II’s words, for only then will we find lasting happiness. Who’s in?

Please note: if a man has made mistakes (God is always forgiving and mercy His greatest attribute), wait for one who will recommit himself to purity. And OF COURSE, vice versa.

 

Dating and Relationships

While in route back to Nashville I met a man who was trying to be impressive by saying he had run the Marine Corps Marathon in under four hours (which is amazing)! And to be honest it was impressive, I love a guy who can run. Then he said he had two girlfriends and would love another.

Well you are talking to the wrong woman buddy, I thought to myself. Why would you want three girlfriends? Wouldn’t that be confusing? 

My friends, this is the perverted culture we live in. What we need is a crusade of authentic young people to stand up and be virtuous. I don’t think there is anything more attractive than a man who pursues a woman with dignity and gentleness. Although men like that aren’t as prevalent in our society, they do exist. A gentleman told me today, I desire to be a chaste spouse, like St. Joseph and treat my future wife like a queen. 

Ladies, wait for a man who will kiss your forehead on a date, instead of wanting to make out with you, who will hold your hand, instead of touching you inappropriately. Men like that do exist. And what you need to do is embrace the beauty of being an authentic woman, and you will attract just such a man.

Remember, “when a boy calls you cute, he likes your face. When he calls you hot, he likes your body. When he calls you beautiful, he likes your heart.”

Ladies, wait for a man who calls you beautiful, for this is what you deserve, because that’s what you are. Let’s be authentic women ladies! Let’s embrace the beauty of our femininity.

If you loved me wouldn’t you get plastic surgery?

As I was flipping through a local magazine, I came across an add that read, “Beautiful Positive You – Call today to schedule your appointment at Vanderbilt Center for Cosmetic Plastic Surgery. “

Excuse me as I gag.

WHAT A LIE!!

“Beautiful Positive You” stems from your inherent dignity as a daughter of God, thank you very much.

A guy once wanted me to get plastic surgery. When he mentioned those words my heart froze. I felt gross. So does this mean I’m not beautiful? You don’t like me just the way I am? You don’t think I’m attractive? You think I’m ugly. Even though I would never even consider the mere thought of plastic surgery, those were painful words to hear.

Plastic surgery is like saying, sorry God, but you didn’t make me good enough. I think I should help you out there and make a few changes. Satan throws lies at our insecurities all the time saying we aren’t good enough. But confidence in God, can and will, combat those lies. In order to do that, you need to be firmly rooted in who you are. Ladies, don’t let society mold your confidence. Made in His Image desires to help you be an authentic woman.

Nothing compares to the beauty, the confidence, the Truth and the joy of knowing that you are created with a purpose, created by a loving Father, and that you are beautiful because you have His hand print on your soul.

As women, we are very vulnerable to what we hear. Sure, it’s nice to hear that you are beautiful, but true confidence is believing it in your heart. You need to get comfortable in who God created you to be, before you would even believe what a man told you anyway.

You are a daughter of God and you are beautiful, because He created you. God doesn’t create ugly, it would go against His very nature. He can only create beautiful and that’s what you are.

You are made in His Image!

When Life Disappoints: Vulnerability & Relationships

The human heart is a complex thing to understand. In fact, I don’t think we can ever truly comprehend the depth of the human heart and all it’s facilities. It can love passionately one minute and be crushed the next, but admits the joy and pain it keeps beating, keeping us alive. Our hearts can give, feel pain, joy, sorrow, and be pierced with disappointment.

Last night I couldn’t sleep and pondered vulnerability, relationships and God’s love, among other things. I think everyone has experienced the pain of losing someone close to them. It hurts.

Then I thought of something: God is the ultimate example of vulnerability. He came not just to give a piece of His heart to us, but all of it. He allowed the Romans to arrest Him, spit, slap and beat Him. He opened Himself up to be scourged out of love for us, as His flesh was torn from His body and blood spilled out. They roughly submerged a crown of thorns on His head, which penetrated into His skull. Then he lovingly picked up His cross and carried it to Calvary. Along the way He thought of you and I, because we were why He chose to suffer. But He never regretted a moment of His bitter and sacred passion, He only kept loving us. When He arrived at Calvary, the soldiers violently stripped Him of His garments to the point of tearing His flesh. As they pounded nails into His scared Hands and Feet, He thought of you and I, and He kept giving until He expired His last.

So despite how the world disappoints us, the people that lie to us and let us down we must keep fighting with love in our heart. We must keep striving to open our hearts to vulnerability without the fear of being hurt. And if our heart should get hurt, we must make the choice to see beauty in the opportunity to mirror Christ’s love: to give without asking anything in return.

Vulnerability and Relationships

Last night I did some serious thinking and came to the following conclusions: God the Father has profoundly blessed me. My life and life experiences are immense gifts from Him. And I do a horrible job at thanking God for the gift of my life and the events of last night put things in perspective for me.

I was cleaning off my desk as I pondered those thoughts and more. I had a tall pile of papers that I was filing. As I came to the end of the pile something caught my eye: my therapy journal of two years. That journal to me is a representation of tremendous pain, but also immense joy. In it, I tracked my progress of a 2 year journey of healing, it’s basically a shorter version of my book.

Then I thought of one of my favorite quotes: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

I thought about all the progress I had made over the years in letting others get close to me, and I thanked God for His goodness towards me. I certainly have much to learn and more progress to make, as I am always striving to live and change for the good. But, it was refreshing to reflect on all the progress I have made and to focus on the beauty of learning, growing, healing and ultimately the love of the Father.

So what about you? Have you basked in the light of the progress you have made? Sometimes it’s hard to note your own progress and if that is the case for you, then ask someone who knows you well to verbalize your progress to you. And in all things, give thanks to the Father, for His love, mercy and healing Hands can transform a broken and wounded heart into a heart brimming with freedom: a heart that can learn to be vulnerable again in a safe way.

It’s healing to let others in, give it a try.