After class I began to think about the negative impact that my eating disorder has had on my relationship with my family. There have been many times that I have skipped a family dinner, stayed at home while they visited a neighbor’s outdoor barbecue, or increased tension within the household.
As I recover from my eating disorder I am beginning to realize just how great of a stronghold this addiction has been for me. Now that I am doing well and eating three meals per day my eyes have been opened to the opportunities and experiences that I have missed. I cannot travel back into the past and erase the mistakes that I have made, I can only look towards the future and the promise of success that is awaiting me there.
I truly believe that in time the strain between my family members and I will heal. As we communicate more I believe that chains will be broken and hearts reconnected. As I sign off tonight the important lesson that I have learned today is…Don’t live in the past, look towards the future with hope. – an entry from Sarah’s blog.
Sarah is one of the young women I have the honor of helping hold accountable through Made in His Image.
Last night I had forgotten to set my alarm and once again I woke up late. As soon as my feet hit the floor I was running here and there trying to get myself together for the long day ahead. After eating breakfast I ran out the door in hopes that I would catch the bus in time. Half way to the bus stop I realized that I had forgotten my tennis shoes being that I was planning on going to the gym after class. I quickly ran back to my apartment and grabbed my shoes. While running to the bus stop my water bottle and one of my tennis shoes fell out of my back pack. I quickly turned around and scooped them up, determined to make the bus. The rain had been falling consistently and by this point any effort that I had made to style my hair was lost. Fortunately I made it just in time! I slumped into the seat feeling relieved to be in a warm and dry environment.
After my first two classes were out of session I headed across campus to meet a friend for lunch. I walked into the dining hall without any anxiety. I knew that awaiting me there would be both unhealthy and healthy options but I had no doubt that I would choose the latter. After eating a great meal I felt energised not only physically but spiritually. I was able to socialize with my friend without having to worry about the delicious treats tempting me from across the room. What is amazing is that the dessert bar didn’t even cross my mind, it wasn’t even an option. It is important to note that I am not banning sweets forever but for right now they are not an option being that these are the particular foods in which I scarf down during a binge.
To be honest I felt beautiful walking around campus today. My body felt nourished and whole, a feeling that I have not experienced for years. My skin is becoming softer, my hair shinier, and my joints no longer ache. I am beginning to realize just how heavy the chains of my eating disorder weighed on my overall health. My eating disorder slowed me down, tripped me up, and stopped my progress. There is still more work to do but God has been working behind the scenes as he showers me with grace and blessings.
As I sign off the important lesson that I have learned today is…It’s ok to give yourself a pat on the back every once in a while, but remember to thank God for each temptation that you overcome. – a second entry from Sarah’ blog.
All human nature vigorously resists grace because grace changes us and the change is painful. – Flannery O’Connor
Imagine a father teaching his young daughter to ride a bike for the first time. The child is probably four or five and eagerly awaiting the opportunity to be just like the other kids on the street. Her father, no doubt is equally excited for his daughter to take this next step in her development. But he must teach her to ride a bike with training wheels first because of her size. What if he brought home a woman’s Trek mountain bike and told her to get on it. It would be impossible for her to balance the size of the mountain bike and once he let go the bike would immediately fall and the little girl would badly hurt herself.
But a loving and gentle father wouldn’t do that, he would bring home a bike that is just her size. Our Heavenly Father is even more compassionate than the most loving earthly father you can imagine. God doesn’t give us difficulties that are too much for us to handle. Every cross He gives us is lovingly prepared by Him, for us. He knows our hearts, our fears, our capacity for suffering and the grace we need to combat the suffering. But often, as Flannery O’Connor’s quote suggests we don’t except the grace that God offers us because of our human sinfulness. And just as the earthy father in the story wouldn’t put his four-year old daughter on a woman’s mountain bike, our Heavenly Father can’t give us the next portion of grace so to speak if we didn’t respond to the first. But, He will always be there when we are ready to respond.
Change is painful, and I bet everyone knows that. Just think of something you have accomplished in life, did you get there without pain and sacrifice? I doubt it.
I am so humbled, honored and proud to assist these young women in their journey of CHANGE. Please join me in praying for them daily!
Also, MIHI is about to make its first HIRE of a Catholic Counsellor. I’m in dire need of your financially support to make this happen. Please visit my “Donate” tab above to learn more. In addition, please join me in spreading the message of MIHI with your friends, family and those who would be financially able to assist this life changing ministry. Thank you so very much! And if you have ANY questions please do not hesitate to email me at ifightHimwithlove@gmail.com