More Thoughts

Lately, I have been really fearful. Thoughts have been racing through my mind, what the heck are you doing with your life Maura? This vision of yours is just a dream that will never come to fruition. Like you could ever get the money to build a medical center? And a lot of other thoughts that are much deeper, which I need to preserve in a journal.

And it was interesting because the other day a young woman asked me if I ever thought about food the way I use to, or if I ever still had nightmares, etc. I chuckled to myself because I knew what was going on interiorly. She talked as if I must be perfect, and I had to stop her. I gave straight forward answers to all of her questions. No, I don’t think twice about eating a bagel with cream cheese. No, I don’t weight myself everyday. No, not even every week, or month for that matter. No, I don’t have to work out everyday. Yes, I run today only because I love it and enjoy staying in shape. Yes, I do occasionally think about where I have been. Yes, I put half and half in my coffee. Yes, I eat ice cream. No, I have no desire to hurt anyone who has hurt me. Yes, I pray for them – daily. Yes, occasionally I do still have nightmares and the doctor said that is normal. Yes, I eat french fries. Yes, I eat pizza. 

For a second I felt like I was being interviewed and we were only getting coffee. But I was happy to relieve her of any concerns she had in relation to her own life. The truth is a person will always have their memory. But it is up to you to make the conscious choice to see beauty when bad memories arise. And I need to apply that to the fear I have been experiencing lately. So I turned to one of my favorite prayers, by one of my favorite saints.

When I look into the future, I am frightened, But why plunge into the future? 
Only the present moment is precious to me, As the future may never enter my soul at all.
It is no longer in my power to change, correct or add to the past; For neither sages nor prophets could do that. 
And so what the past has embraced I must entrust to God. 
O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire. I desire to use you as best I can. 
And although I am weak and small, You grant me the grace of Your omnipotence. 
And so, trusting in Your mercy, I walk through life like a little child, offering You each day this heart Burning with love for Your greater Glory.  – St. Faustina 

Then this evening at Holy Hour I read this from St. Josemaria and it really spoke to my heart. “Our cries do not offend God, but move Him to compassion. You said to me: Father, I am having a very rough time. In answer I whispered in your ear: Take upon your shoulders a small part of that cross, just a tiny part. And if you can’t manage that then…leave it entirely on the strong shoulders of Christ. And from this moment on, repeat with me: ‘My Lord and my God: into your hands I abandon the past and the present and the future, what is small and what is great, what amounts to a little and what amounts to a lot, things temporal and things eternal.’ Then, don’t worry any more.”

Well dang, there it is, and right from the mouth of a saint. Oh, and if the devil thinks for one hot second that I would stop Made in His Image after a little taunting he is out of his mind. You would have to kill me first.

Very exciting news – Made in His Image appointed two more Board of Directors today!!! God is good!