Wednesday’s Inspiration – The Porn Effect Part II

This post is in answer to two questions readers asked me. I decided to post my answers to their questions for my weekly Wednesday Inspiration. It is my hope that the Lord will speak through me to offer you hope. Also I would like to preface this post by saying that many of the thoughts written below will be in my book Choosing to See Beauty. Therefore, please do not print the following without my permission.

One reader asked I just found out that someone I love has an addiction to pornography. How do I overcome this? What do I do?

First, I wish I could wrap my arms around you and just hold you so we could pray together. Please know of my prayers and I mean that with all of my heart. I will offer a few suggestions.

Pray for him, the heart of our faith is to forgive those who have wounded us. Jesus Himself taught us this as He hung from the cross and said “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.

Frequent the sacraments as often as possible, daily if you can. Make it a priority to attend daily Mass. If you think you don’t have time, then make the time. Get up an hour early or go on your lunch break. Daily Mass is key, because it is through the Eucharist that you will find healing. Jesus wants to give Himself to you. He wants to be your Savior and healer. And when you don’t feel like going, go anyway. I speak from experience when I say this is vital.

Spend time with Jesus in front of the Blessed Sacrament – this is also essential. Just be still before your Creator. Cry with Him, laugh with Him, tell Him your fears, how much it hurts, how angry you are, how you can’t look at your reflection anymore, how afraid you are, how worried you are for his soul, how lonely you are, how it feels and how grateful you are for this cross. Yes, I just said that. Tell Him that you want to love this cross and that you need His help and grace to overcome this struggle. Ask Him to lovingly place this cross on your shoulders each morning and for the grace to carry it with love.

Allow yourself to get angry, after all it is only natural for you to be heartbroken. Let the tears come, don’t try and hold them back for they will only come out later. Jesus Himself wept when He was sorrowful.

Talk to a psychologist who believes in the evils of pornography. Don’t allow yourself to think that asking for help means your weak. It actually means your being courageous and dealing with an issue that needs to be dealt with. Jesus wants you to be whole in body, mind and spirit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to a psychologist. God gave them their education for a reason, to be instruments of His healing.

Get to know God as your Father. Read the book The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen, it radically changed my life and often have a copy with me. But really, get to know your Father in Heaven. Spend time in the Blessed Sacrament talking to Him, listening to Him and just take time to be still in His presence. Talk with Him throughout the day. Tell Him how much it hurts, ask Him to protect you, ask Him to show you who you are, tell Him you want to see beauty in yourself because you are His daughter. Also, let Him love you. Often times it’s hard to receive love when you are really hurting, but His love is safe and He just wants to protect you.

You may say, If He just wants to protect me then why did He allow this to happen.” And my response to that is that you pose a very valid question. But simply put, we are not God. We don’t have the depth and understand that He has. We may never know until we get to heaven why he allowed certain things to happen. The cross is the beauty of our faith. And you must believe that, and if you don’t, then ask for the grace to want to believe it.

Surround yourself with positivity. Seek out beauty in your suffering. Always remember there is someone who is suffering more than you and offer up your pain for them. Maybe a wife with three children just heard that her husband in the Marines was killed overseas. Maybe a husband and wife just lost their child. Maybe a couple trying to conceive for years just lost their baby at four months. I know these are horrible scenarios but it helps to put your suffering in perspective sometimes.

Look in the mirror once a day and say I’m beautiful because I’m a daughter of God. And He doesn’t create ugly. Even if you don’t feel like doing it – do it. Kind of like the Nike saying, Just do it. Well I mean it, just do it. Just say it, even if you don’t feel it. Don’t rush your healing and I’m not advocating wallowing in your pain. I’m simply saying allow yourself time to deal with this. Don’t say things are fine, when they aren’t. It’s okay to be upset, you have to feel the pain before you can heal. You can’t skip over that step, although I wish I could take it for you.

These are just some examples, there are more in my book which is coming out this winter. And as for the second question, I got sidetracked answering emails this evening as I was writing this, so will post the second question with my response next Wednesday. And my computer is about to die, so I think I will call it a night. But I can’t wait to get up tomorrow and work & write more. This is just amazing and I am so blessed!! Until next time, fight Him with love.

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