From my Heart

Yesterday was Labor day and I woke up to the sound of the rain lightly tapping against my bedroom window. To be honest, the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed and go to work, after all it’s Labor day and everyone is off, I thought. Besides it was raining and there is just something about the rain combined with darkness that makes sleeping even more inviting. I knew I needed to open the bakery so I gingerly pulled back my dark red and golden pottery barn comforter and got ready for work. I opened the front door as I slipped on my baking clogs and burgundy north face rain jacket.

When I got to work I was happy to see that Karissa, one of my best friends in Nashville was opening the front of the shop. She had rearranged her schedule due to starting classes again, so it was a nice surprise to see her. I love opening when she is there and we use to open together three days a week so it was just like old times.

Yesterday was extremely busy at the bakery and I quickly got my apron covered in flour while baking over two hundred muffins. Between sips of dark roasted coffee, cracking dozens of eggs, measuring flour, and splashes of canola oil I thought of the future and what it holds.

A little over a year ago I moved to Nashville for what I thought was a cross-country coaching job, when it fell through I applied for every teaching job available in the Nashville diocese. I always made it to the final interview, but never got the job. I wondered why so many times.

To be honest, I was scared to take that leap of faith into the unknown and follow my heart trusting that God would provide. For if it’s from Him, He will provide. He is a Father who loves to provide and protect His children. For two years now I have had the desire to launch Made in His Image for God, but at the same time it’s scary. The unknown frightens me sometimes, am I being responsible? Is this just a pipe dream? Do I really have what it takes to do this? Do I know what the heck I’m doing? Do I have the money for such an endeavor? 

Jesus fills my heart with peace and I need to constantly turn to Him amidst the unknown. For that is what this phase is – it’s uncertain as to what the future will look and feel like. But I know one thing is certain – this call from God is real and I’m on fire. No, I don’t always know what I’m doing. I don’t have a business or finance degree. But the people whom God has placed in my life to help me with even the little things like my business plan is such a blessing. And no, on my own I can do nothing. I take comfort in His grace, because with Him this ministry will succeed and I am going to keep answering the call from my Creator. And no-no and no again, I don’t have the money for such a project. But I take consolation in the words of St. Padre Pio, “The Blessed Mother can open hearts, as well as wallets.” He never ceases to make me smile.

So as we welcome this new season of fall, I am excited. I even woke up twice in one night to look at my new logo a few nights ago. I love it so, it brings me to tears sometimes, it’s so beautiful. With all my heart I want females to feel the healing Hands of our Father. And when I think about this mission and what God is asking of me I feel unworthy and honored at the same time. Blessed Mother Teresa once said, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.” I cling to her words in times of doubt, and also in times of pride.

So amidst this seasonal metamorphosis in which we welcome cooler nights, crisp fall leaves, pumpkin spice lattes, warm mugs of apple cider, salted caramel mochas, warm apple pie and spice breads, I welcome a renewed spirit for this ministry. A spirit filled with hope and courage that God will provide, that He will use my nothingness for His Kingdom.

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